OK, Genesis 24, time for a love story: how Isaac gets a wife.
And there’s this, from Abraham: `The Lord, before whom I have walked, will send his angel with you so that you can get a wife for my son` (vv7,40). Really? Have angels been involved in helping us end up with the right spouse?- and avoiding the wrong ones? (I’ve often wondered whether my guardian angel will have some gently sarcastic comments to make when we meet in heaven.) Does God choose to get that involved in our love lives? And what difference will it make if we believe He does?
Actually lots. If we believe we have a God who loves us colossally, and if we know our marriage was a decision we made seeking God’s purpose, wanting His will (eg, we made sure we were marrying a real fellow-disciple), we can be sure He guided us in it. This is really quite something: knowing God the all-loving Father, the Creator of the entire universe, has brought us together. (And – but this is a more problematic jump of faith – if we’re single, we can still believe that God, knowing we would achieve our destiny best – like Jesus – with the mobility that goes with singleness, at least thus far, has kept the wrong people out of our lives.) (Oh yes: and Jesus has had to wait so long for His Bride to get her act together.)
Indeed if we weren’t really seeking His will in our marriage, it’s a somewhat different situation, but still we know He foresaw this marriage and has planned how to be in it with us, and how it can work to make us like Jesus. But if we both were people who had put our lives seriously under His direction, we know He’s not only foreseen our marriage, He’s actually created it.
And that’s very motivational. When tough times come – & we all know they do in most marriages – it makes a huge difference that we know God knew what He was doing to bring us together. Many of us have known the temptation to sit back and see if the other person changes. But if we’ve put our lives under God’s leadership and know a loving God has brought us together, then it hugely increases the likelihood, not only that difficulties can be solved (because that same God is still involved), but that God now calls and equips us to solve them – to roll our sleeves up, and by the Spirit’s power to swallow our pride, look for the ways and skills of compromise, apology, forgiveness. It makes a massive difference to how we face and handle disagreements and conflicts.
InterVarsity USA’s magazine once had an article saying 3 things are necessary to make a marriage work: commitment & commitment & commitment. That’s not the whole story. I imagine among people reading this, some of us may indeed have been committed, and yet ended up facing impossible situations in our marriages. God hates divorce, says Malachi, but still His Word teaches that there really are extreme circumstances where divorce (so remarriage too) are right. But when we know God in His goodness has built our marriage (and, yes Abraham, that there were angels nudging us to attend a particular event, to be punctual, buy flowers, understand (!?) the opposite sex, say sorry, etc) — in practice it’s an immensely empowering certainty to motivate us to partner with Him in working on building the marriage.
There’s far more that ought to be said: eg, about how the vision of the cross (Eph 5:25), and the power of the Spirit, empower our marriages… But may the Lord help us in faith to reach out for and receive the creative strength of His love for our partners this week…!
